I broke my vegginness...and I'm not really a punkrocker these days. Four years ago, it had much more meaning and now I can't even begin to relate...I sold out again...I've changed so much...I've bent my "straightedgeness" into a circle....I've gone backwards...I've grown...I matured...I'm such a contradiction...I gave in...this is me and my new journalclicky

Well I just got back from the "central bar" where I met with Emily, Emily's bf, and Kristi. I met with them after Julien left for his weekend conference...gah I don't know what I'll do this weekend without him....I'll just miss him too much.

We had a nice dinner this afternoon, cooked by me...surprisingly, it didn't turn out so bad. He brought some red wine and I had some white wine on storage...and when it was all over I was too buzzed to realize that he was leaving for 4 days! I couldn't really walk straight but I could touch my nose hahaha

Kristi and I talked for several hours about our "parallel" relationships, sex, gspots, gspots with mission impossible songs, contraceptives, conservatism....and those types of things....

I miss some people and I kinda don't like my new neighbor chick(s?)...I think she's from Holand ....they messed with the wrong 5 pound black nihuahua...bitches...I can't stand people that are mean to little things...I can't stand people that don't suck up to Nina...I mean come on, trying to kick a little dog just because she's standing on your way barking her lungs out is not justified...bitches

I'm so tired....I shouldn't even post this ...unthoughtful entry of 3 lines.

No I'm not drunk...just tired

They were humping on second date ...that should mean something about her upbringing....what a horrible mother am I?!!

The gentledoggie lives at Julien's house. He's a two months old cocker spaniel...that's a bit bigger than Nina. So I guess Julien's prophecy came true and Nina finally found the love of her life in Chile too...maybe she can give us some privacy now. They play and lick each other and when we left the poor other doggie was all "chupado"...I guess she's that aggressive in love.

She also made two girlfriends. They were both rather shy but then again Nina was jumping all over their faces. I really don't know why she's so so hyper. She jumps around like a bunny and runs frantically in circles and from side to side.

We're both too happy! :)

I dreamed about my French professor, Miss Conner. Woke up smiling but then realized how disappointed she would be to know that I dropped the language when to her I was the "Most Outstanding French Honors Student." I remember I used to love her class....blah

He called me at 9ish to wake me up and it took the longest for me to get out of bed. We got on the bus by 12ish and arrived there by 2ish. We talked politics and moral issues all the way there. It was quite refreshing to have someone to discuss such issues and be able to disagree with a kiss. We concluded that I'm overly paranoid about men and good at discussing political views.

When we arrived at Vina del Mar we walked around and got food to eat at the park. Then we walked to the beach to meet up with his friends on the beach. They were laying on the sand soaking up the sun and when we got there we did the same. It was quite relaxing until Julien decided to be "more social" which is too typical of him. So we moved by them and they started talking about some guy and then asked about our relationship to which Julien replied "well it's weird because Michelle seems to be the guy and I the girl in this relationship" to which they replied "Oh we're not suprised." He blushed and after sometime we went to walk on the beach and this huge wave hit us and we were all wet, we giggled and kept on walking. On the dock, we found this salsa group playing which I found quite charming but we were in Chile and of course no one was dancing or wanted to dance. We walked around and Elsa got lost and I figured she just wanted to give us some space but Julien said that we probably make her sad since she misses her boyfriend. We walked back to the beach and shortly after I asked Julien if we could go back on the deck to get some "mote con huesillo" which is this weird Chilean drink. We went up there and got some and sat down to eat the interesting mix of dry peaches with corn seeds and this sweet and brown sticky water. I don't really know how long we were up there for but we talked about my childhood and things that I had never been able to tell anyone else. It was great being able to share such things with him...I am completely open and vulnerable.

So it was all sunny beach and sandy sand until they all decided to go grab something to eat and the evening cold started to settle. They couldn't agree on where to go and we walked to yucky McDonalds but then ended up at this pizza place. They couldn't agree on what to get but we ended up getting two pizzas with random things on them. The conversation slowly began to turn from semi-spanish to completely French and it took me from being a pleased outsider to an uncomfortable, excluded, shut down and uninterested outsider. I was freezing cold, bored, and probably PMSing, not a great combination. At some point they joked about how it was unnatural and difficult for Chileans to pronounce French names and all turned to me as a guinea pig to see if I could pronounce it...which made me even more uncomfortable. They kept on talking and I stopped enjoying myself and spaced out completely. I thought of the most random things to keep myself amused and to stop me from just screaming out of frustration. I don't think they realized the situation and they thought I was an anti-social which does not really bother me unless Julien has to put himself in the middle of everything. The point of it is, that they just weren't too interested in being a "great host" and that's completely fine as long as everyone else is happy which seemed to be the case. Overall, I don't think that they were "horrible people" it was more of the situation...which I understand. It wasn't so bad and I think I would be ok with doing it again.

I was completely ready to go home. A 50 degree weather doesn't go well with wearing sandals, capris and a tanktop. They walked around for a bit then then we said goodbye to Elsa and walked to the bus station. When we were walking Julien asked me how it had been and I said "it was ok" "no really" "it was awful! You're friends are rude and I felt excluded and uncomfortable the whole time." Yes, I realize I was a bit harsh but I was in the worse mood in history. We went to the window to purchase the tickets and bam last stroke of the night, they didn't have two seats together for Julien and I. I swear I was about to just curl up in a ball and rock from side to side. When we got on the bus I found my seat and pulled out my MP3 player for comfort and Julien said that he would sit by me and ask the person to seat in my seat but then his friend had already asked the guy sitting by him to trade seats with us so me and Julien could sit together. I was so relieved and comforted and thanked them repeatedly.

I thought Julien would pass out but instead we made out and talked about elitism the whole time which completely made up for the afternoon. He spent the night over and we tried to find my g-spot as he hummed the mission impossible song. I laughing too hard and we decided that it was not a great time for that and that we should re-take it the next morning. When I woke up he was out of the bed putting his shoes on and asking me if I wanted cake, I said "oh sure" so the next time I woke up he was back from the supermarket with croissants and some bread. I sincerely don't see how he can get up so freaken early in the morning and function throughout the day and he says that he doesn't know how I can spend all day in bed. But we find the midpoint at me waking up and then passing out when he leaves.

I don't know how and if I'll be able to say goodbye.

"and one person rendeems your experience of Chile?" "hmm yes, YES! and he's not even Chilean, that's SO gay"

I'm debating whether I should go to Valparaiso with Julien tomorrow. We've been spending way too much time together and last night he said that he didn't want his life to revolve around our relationship...that he wanted more independence, he missed his friends and playing sports, he can't concentrate for school and he hasn't been doing his work. Ok, yes I completely understand but it really rubbed me the wrong way for some reason..maybe I'm already PMSing.

Leeyo says that he didn't mean it in a bad way...that things were happening too fast and that maybe he was just freaked out by it...but still...we only have two months left...it's hard not to want to spend every single minute with him. I was upset the whole afternoon. It's hard to resign, even a bit, of my only source of true happiness here in Chile besides Nina. I'm addicted.

I guess I will go...if I can find my phone and if he's not too upset at my upset behavior.

As for an update, we went to one of his friend's party last night. It was ok I suppose, I've had more fun some other times but we left at around 2ish to meet up with Shaunna and Emily at a gay nightclub. They had a male stripper doing his thing on stage and gay porn on the second floor. It was great!

And here is the thing that you online kids have been waiting for. Some pictures taken this morning:

Seducteur - Mr. Lady's man :)


Poor thing, I'm wearing him out :P

I ate a whole plate of meaty soupy stuff yesterday. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it. I blame Daniel. I invited myself to his house for a home-cooked lunch and they had soup of meat and I said "oh no no, envermind" and he said "just eat it. I was a hardcore veggie too until I came to Chile"...so I said what the hell. It wasn't too bad. The texture of the fleshy brown pieces of meat gave me the creeps at the beginning but then....it wasn't so bad.

By biting the forbidden fruit only makes you want to have the whole thing and more of it. That not only applies to the meat but to the fact that I am the one that thinks with ...ehm my penis...that I don't have. I really pushed for it last night and we "did it" last night and come to think of it, it was completely unnecessary and I hope it doesn't change things. I guess time will tell. This morning was surreal though. I have never found waking up so early in the morning so romantic. We took a shower and ate some of his kid cereal with bananas. I made him late to his class and we rushed to the metro. I held onto him for a couple of minutes until my stop came. I kissed him goodbye as I got pushed out by the mob of people...I stood outside of the train and we just looked at each other as the people rushed by. I wanted to run back in and kiss him again but the doors began to close...and I just stood there looking at him and smiling like a smitten idiot. Is it really supposed to be so great? :)

It´s amazing how one person change your point of view and your feelings towards things by just holding your hand. Chile is not so bad anymore.

It´s great to go up a touristy cerro and enjoy the view of Santiago centro and the Andean Mountains while listening to the buses roar so loud and breathing smoke. No really, I´m not being sarcastic for once. It was real. It was relaxing. It was just great.

We went to the movies as it was "dia nacional del cine." I was completely amazed about how many people showed up and even more shocked to see that all those people fit into one room. Well actually, most people did fit but Julien was having issues with fitting his legs in such tiny space hahaha it´s so great to be tiny under those circumstances. "Se Arrienda" wasn´t too bad, it was an ok movie although we missed half the humor as it was a Chilean movie. When it ended we walked to his house but detoured to my house to check up on Nina and ended up staying there anyways and that´s where the real update is needed. We talked about the "relationship" and the fact that I´m only staying for a little over two months. Truth is I´m falling for him and I had been afraid of just letting go consciously knowing the time restrains. But we make each other so happy and all the pain of the end is completely worth it to feel so so great right now. I am beginning to consider staying in Chile instead of going to Argentina.

Oh girls he passed the lust test. He said he wants to take this and enjoy the stages with no rushing. Which made me even more happy. I don´t even know how to express all these happy fuzzy feelings in writing. I´m growing more and more infatuated each day.